Tag Archives: Holy Spirit

Dreams etc.

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I’m back in a dream season again and the good news is I’m remembering more of them.  The bad news is some are corrective.  Wait, that’s good news too, because God loves me enough to talk to me about my “stuff.”  Thankfully, after I dealt with that I had subsequent encouraging dreams.  One was interesting in that there was a big military jet that was hovering in the sky like a helicopter (if that doesn’t scream “supernatural” then nothing does!).  I remember thinking that it shouldn’t be able to do that, lol.  People were in lines waiting to get onto buses and planes and trains.  I sensed it was a mustering of troops and they were being shipped out to the harvest fields!  I joined a line and looked down and started finding jewelry.  I think I found two necklaces with hearts on them and one had a diamond in the back.  Someone asked how I would find the owners and I said I would advertise but not give all the information and the owner would have to give the missing part.  I also found a gemstone in the grass.  After that I had a dream that I was building a nest and was very happy when I realized it was a eagle’s nest :)

This morning I dreamed I saw an old friend (actually a second cousin).  Her nickname is “Pickle” (although she spells it “Pickel”).  Anyway she told me she may be getting separated/divorced and wanted to give me her address.  I didn’t have anything to write it down on so she gave me her phone number (which doesn’t make sense, lol).  Anyway the phone number was 746 “for school” (or 4 SCHOOL…472-4665).  Then I woke up.  I wrote the number down quick and later Googled it.  Turns out it was a number in Mexico!  After enough time had passed (because they are three or four hours behind!) I called and got a recording that the number was no longer in service.  I thought maybe I’d talk to someone who was “in a pickle” and needed to hear that God saw what was going on.  In case I missed that I also dialed the number in my area code and got the same recording.  Then I decided to look up 7:46 and 74:6, which didn’t really turn up much.  Lastly, I punched in 7:4-6 and got this:

So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. For when we were in the realm of the flesh, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death.  But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

That’s a good word :)  I have been meditating on dying to self a lot lately, so perhaps this is the Spirit’s “new way” of telling me I’m ready “4 SCHOOL” and this will be the subject.  I’m not sure, but in any event, He’s definitely got my attention!

In other news, yesterday my younger brother and I went down to dad’s old place and packed up his things in the garage (lots of tools and equipment) and downstairs.  All of what was there was supposed to come back.  Today when we took the truck to pick them up some things were missing.  We didn’t make a big deal out of it (though dad wasn’t too pleased).  Perhaps she didn’t think we would notice.  There has been a lot of finger pointing lately and it’s hard to know who is telling the truth (let alone the fact that I’m not interesting in being the judge).  I’m just trying to help dad start over and forgive, with an emphasis on the latter because without it the former will be sabotaged.  Oh how we need Jesus!

It had to be you

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When I was twenty-one I took a three-month trip, and when I came home I was surprised by a couple of things:  First, how much the children in our church had grown, and second that life went on without me when I was gone and I wasn’t really missed.  I have been thinking a lot about my life lately (especially how quickly it’s passing by), knowing that God is really up to something all around the world, and wondering if He would use me in His plans.  This morning I was contemplating my trip to California next week.  I am going to attend a women’s conference because when I read about it I got excited and felt a “Go!”  It spoke about the mantles of some of my heroes of the faith (Maria Woodworth-Etter, Aimee Semple-McPherson, and Kathryn Kuhlman to name a few).

I’ve always had this dream to be like them, especially Kathryn Kuhlman, who walked so closely with Holy Spirit.  Whether I ever “did the stuff” or whatever that may look like was not something I thought much about because what matters to me is closeness to Him.  When you are in love you will do whatever He asks.  I’ve had a yearning to know Him, to hear His voice, and have been chasing Him for years (even though He is always with me, lol).  Jesus’ words from almost six years ago, “I will come to you” still ring in my ears, one of the handful of times I’ve heard His voice so clearly that I felt as if He was right beside me.

I’m on Doug Addison’s daily prophetic word email list.  Yesterday’s was to ask God to confirm things that you have been asking for.  I have been asking to see.  I want to see in the spirit, so all day I was asking for confirmation.  I didn’t see anything through the day but hoped for a dream when I went to bed.  Well, if I dreamed I don’t remember, but I wasn’t discouraged or disappointed.  Perhaps my trust is coming into a maturity, but I am learning to rest and not strive.  He is at work in me, and that is what matters.  That said, as I was eating my breakfast I was contemplating the conference next week and wondering what God has for me there.  I know it is going to be an adventure.  I thought about my life and found myself questioning (again, because I do it often) what my destiny is, whether I was just dreaming or if those prophetic words really were true.  Had He really chosen me to walk in signs and wonders?  Right then a song began to play.

I knew the tune and the title but not the rest of the words, so I Googled it and listened as Harry Connick Jr. sang a song that went straight to my heart.  Holy Spirit spoke as He often does through music.  Oh, how I love Him!  By the way, today’s word is:  New strength, healing and wholeness is going to start flowing like a river.  I receive that!

He is enough

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It was good to get away to Vermont for a week.  We had a great time of skiing with our snowboarding son.  I fell on Thursday and my ski didn’t come off so I wrenched my knee a bit and that was actually a good thing because Kevin and Matt got to hit the slopes without me on Friday (meaning they got to take a lot of black diamond runs, the ones I don’t do, lol).  I dropped them off at Okemo and went into town to pass the time.  The first stop was at “Sweet Surrender” (I liked the name :), a great little bakery on the main drag.  I struck up a conversation with a local artist who came in, and before I left she let me pray for her, which was cool.  Typing this reminds me that I need to send her a link to Kayle Mumby’s story (I was telling her about the owl landing on his head, lol).  Hopefully I can find it on YouTube or something.

One night last week the Lord woke me up to text my friend in Alaska.  I knew she was planning on booking tickets for a visit, and it turns out she was trying to do just that but needed some info.  He is faithful!  This trip will be the same week that my husband is skiing in Colorado with her husband.  I am so looking forward to this new adventure and I can’t wait to see her!  She is planning things to do already, and I am sure we’ll pack a lot into the week we are together.  I am praying “Do it again, Lord!” with respect to the Northern Lights.  He put on quite a show for me the last time I was there!  I was talking to Kevin about it when he woke up the next morning and said something about calling a friend to see if she would take me to the airport and within five or ten minutes that friend (who I don’t hear from often) texted me.  I love when God does that, confirms something in these “little” ways.  Oh, and I took a “random” picture of the mountain and sky on Thursday and when I got back to our place and looked at it, there in the sky is a lion roaring!  He is so for me it’s crazy :)

Speaking of God, He gave me a dream yesterday morning.  I was having all sorts of weird dreams, but among them was one of His.  I didn’t remember it actually because I’d had so many and they all faded when I woke up.  Anyway, Kevin and I were still in bed talking about the previous week when I made a comment to him about the fact that I didn’t think a particular person was “the cat’s meow.” At that moment God brought the dream back like a “whoosh.”  Here it is:  I went to pet a cat and it bit me in the right wrist.  I grabbed it by the back of its neck and pulled it off, held it in the air and I think I cast a demon out of it or said something and then declared that it would never bite me again and threw it down.  People wanted to put a bandage on my wound but I said not to cover it up until an antibiotic was applied or it would just fester.  I looked up the meanings of cat (domestic) and it said “Vicious attack” and “witchcraft” and wrist said “Relationship, particularly within the body of Christ.”  As it was the right wrist I looked up right and there were many meanings (actually there were for all of them but I gave what jumped out at me, which were the first ones listed).  Anyway “right” stands for strength, faith, spirit, blessed, or righteous direction.

What happened recently was definitely an attack on my relationship with Mary.  Sadly, the enemy succeeded in bringing separation.  I think of that verse that “a perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends.”  God has been revealing to me a little bit more every day about how this went down.  Does it grieve me?  Yes, more than I can say, especially because I was so open and vulnerable to the very ones who turned and bit me.  But it was a Holy Spirit setup, complete with an uncommon amount of peace going into it.  He confirmed His presence as it was going down, and continues to in many ways.  He “sent a train” and it’ll take some time to sort through the wreckage, but He is in this for my good (and Mary’s as well I am sure).  I pray for her and Rich every day.

Mary told me a story once about going through a crisis and how her son sang over her as she cried.  I was feeling sorry for myself a few days ago that there I had been, hundreds of miles from home, going through my own crisis and had no one to sing over me.  The Lord woke me at 3:17 the next morning and you know what’s coming, lol.  Zephaniah 3:17:  “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  I know the rebuke, but He chastens those He loves.  It is never pleasant, but the “peaceable fruit of righteousness” is so worth it.

This morning I awoke at 2:55.  Psalm 25:5, “Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”  My soul hopes in the Lord.  Time to go spend time in His presence and let Him apply the balm of Gilead to that wound.  He is my healer, and He is enough.

Living in the tension

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The past few days have been a bit stressful, but you know what they say about stress (it’s an inside job!).  Perhaps it’s not stress so much as just living in this tension of the now and the not yet.  I see so many who have great physical needs and yet don’t see my prayers having any effect.  The temptation is to think that there is something wrong with me (not enough faith/authority, etc.), but I can’t go there.  When I do it doesn’t end well, lol.

I have been waking up again, and in fact awoke early this morning and went downstairs and talked to God.  And cried.  It seems I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.  So then I come back up and try to sleep.  After rolling around for a half hour or so I decided to check my phone and it was 3:49, and I had the thought to Google it, something I hadn’t done in a while.  By the time I opened the browser it was 3:50 and I wondered whether I should look that up instead.  I went with the former and up came Lamentations 3:49, “My tears flow endlessly; they will not stop….”  ~sigh~  After a minute or two I Googled 3:50 and the next verse in Lamentations came up, “…until the Lord looks down from heaven and sees.”  :)

I had a dream later and all I remember is one blip.  I was pondering it in that half-awake state because something was said to me by a man who looked familiar.  I distinctly remembered what was said until the realization hit me that it was Jesus, at which point I came fully awake and instantly lost what was said.  Ugh.  All I remember was that it had something to do with buying or being given something and to hold on to it until it goes to public television.  Or radio, I’m not sure.  In any event, I don’t know that I’ve ever “seen” Jesus in my dreams before, at least not His face.  I remember one dream I had with John Paul Jackson, who was facing me, and Jesus or Holy Spirit was standing facing him (with His back to me) and JPJ looked at me with that piercing gaze of his and turned and walked away and I got up and followed him.  That was soon after he passed away.  But I will take seeing Jesus in a dream until I see Him face to face.  I am still believing for that because He promised, and He who promised is faithful.

Other things I wanted to share include a conversation I had with Kevin a few nights ago.  I don’t remember how the subject came up but he made the comment that he often plays “Marco Polo” with God.  He’ll actually say “Marco” and waits to hear “where Jesus is.”  Sometimes he will even hear “Polo” but usually it’s more along the lines of hearing what is on God’s heart, which I think is amazing.  I’m thankful I have a husband who walks so closely with Jesus.  He truly is a branch which bears much fruit!

On Thanksgiving we took my dad out for lunch and stayed for a visit.  I know it meant a lot to him as he gets quite lonely in the basement where he is staying.  Friday he goes for a consult about cataract surgery.  I am concerned about his memory, which seems to be getting worse.  I took the painting to him that I did while watching Azusa Now back in April and asked him to hang it and when he looks at it to pray and ask God to heal him.  I am praying for that as well as for his heart to be healed.  He’s had two heart attacks and been spared both times.  I know the Lord is wanting him to find more healing on this side of heaven and let go of a lot of the pain he’s held in his heart for so long.

I started reading a new book, “Falling Upward” by Richard Rohr.  Wow.  Another must read for anyone who’s searching.  It talks about the “two halves of life” and how people at any age need to know about the whole arc of their life and where it is tending and leading.  Here is an excerpt:

Whether we find our True Self depends in large part on the moments of time we are each allotted, and the moments of freedom that we each receive and choose during that time.  Life is indeed “momentous,” created by accumulated moments in which the deeper “I” is slowly revealed if we are ready to see it.  Holding our inner blueprint, which is a good description of our soul, and returning it humbly to the world and to God by love and service is indeed of ultimate concern.  Each thing and every person must act out its nature fully, at whatever cost.  It is our life’s purpose, and the deepest meaning of “natural law.”  We are here to give back fully and freely what was first given to us–but now writ personally–by us!  It is probably the most courageous and free act we will ever perform–and it takes both halves of our life to do it fully.  The first half of life is discovering the script, and the second half is actually writing it and owning it.

I suppose that’s what this journey the past five years has been, writing and owning my “script.”  I’m still discovering things, though, and there are areas of healing that need to be uncovered, but I know God sees me, and that makes all the difference.

About those fake fireplaces

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I am up early again today.  I like this time of morning and gladly embrace it when I actually wake up refreshed at 4 a.m.  It’s my “Come Away Time” and I desperately need that because I have been so busy lately.  I’ve been reading a little book called “Surrender to Love” by David Benner.  If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it.  Surrender is the key to living the Christian life through rest, something I am slowly learning.  It was almost a year ago I had the episode with back pain that gave me my first taste of what true rest/surrender looked and felt like.  I’d like to have that back again (minus the pain, lol).  Little by little He is getting me where I need to be, and I trust in His goodness and love.  I’m “learning to float” spiritually, which is good because I am tired of treading water :)

The holidays are just about upon us, and as if I wasn’t busy enough I’ve signed up to be a Rodan and Fields distributor (under my friend Mary).  It took some convincing, and I still wonder if I did the right thing because it’s not as if I wasn’t busy enough, lol.  I’m excited, though, to be building my own little business, my “work with eager hands” as it were (Proverbs 31) and (trusting the Lord to bless it) be able to have my own source of income to invest into travel and blessing others.  It helps that I like the products.  I’m not a salesperson, though, and have always resented when people want me to like pages and push their “stuff” on Facebook.  I realize that can be a great way to get the word out and grow my business but I don’t want to assume on friendships or weary people with information.  If you know anyone with rosacea or acne, their products for those are the best (it’s like having your own personal dermatologist).  They have regimens for anti-aging and dealing with wrinkles, too, something I seem to have plenty of lately (it’s that change-of-life thing), but I kind of feel about them the way I do about my gray hair, which I refuse to color.  I would like to get the word out to younger women, though, to stay out of the sun and use sunscreen.  You’ll be glad you did later :)  Anyway, my website is pattimccarty.myrandf.com if you’d like to check it out and/or need their products.  And that’s all I’ll ever say about that on here (other than to maybe let you know how it’s going from time to time).

I will go see dad on Tuesday.  He’s been on my heart a lot the past couple of days.  My older brother took him to the eye doctor and he needs cataract surgery in both eyes.  They were so bad the doctor said it’s a wonder he could see at all.  He was driving, mind you, up until a month ago.  God spared him many times, I’m sure.  I did take him the skillet and a crock pot so now he is able to do some of his own cooking, which is good because the weather became more like winter yesterday.  I don’t think he’ll be getting out as much.  The first thing I plan on doing when I visit him is checking his meds.  He said something the last time I was there which made me wonder whether he’s taking more than he needs to of certain types.  That could be adding to his confusion.

Thanksgiving is four days away.  We’ve been invited to my son’s and also to my mom’s.  Part of me is concerned with dad, the fact that he would be by himself, and I’m still praying about what to do.  Perhaps we will drive there and take him out to eat, but I will have just been there two days before and that would be a lot of driving.  I know that I am not responsible for anyone’s happiness and don’t have peace about bringing him here yet.  I may end up doing that when he has those surgeries, but for now I need to follow Holy Spirit’s leading, and He often does that through the peace He gives (or doesn’t give), kind of like an umpire in a baseball game letting me know whether something is “out” or “safe.”

Time to post this and get back to resting.  Someday I’ll have to post a pic of the little space I’ve made in the basement, complete with the fake fireplace that looks and sounds surprisingly real (but lacks heat).  It is a substitute for an actual fire because I can’t have one down here.  I’m not sure I’d like to because tending a fire takes a lot of work and can make a mess.  Today is Sunday so I’ll be going to church.  In a way, many churches are content with their “fake fireplaces” too, because having the real thing can be messy.  Here’s praying the Holy Spirit comes anyway and sets a fire down in our soul that we can’t contain and we can’t control.  There is no surrendering if we want to remain in control or decide what something looks like.  Help me, Jesus!

A very full October

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And it’s not over yet!  The month started with a class reunion on the 8th. The turnout wasn’t so great, but it was good to reconnect with old friends.  One of the things that struck me was when they asked people in the room to raise their hand if they still had both parents living.  I was I think one of only four!  And since the last reunion another handful of classmates have passed away.  We just keep marching closer and closer to the front line!

The week after that I went to a women’s conference at the “Happy Church” in Glen Burnie, close to Baltimore.  That’s not the real name (which is “Redemption House Life Center”), but it is the happiest church I know and the name has stuck.  My friend Mary was one of the speakers, and she had a team of women come as well to minister.  This would be the conference where the necklaces we made the week before got handed out.  Except I didn’t get to do that because I was sick.  Yep.  All day Saturday, the best day of the whole event, and I was back at the hotel.  I handled it good at first, but then as the day wore on I started to have a pity party for myself and those never end well.  Let’s just say the Lord was getting the crap out of me in the spiritual realm and that the physical world often reflects the spiritual, lol.  So I missed a glorious night where Holy Spirit showed up in a very, very big way.  I was told they’d been waiting for that night for years.  Me too, lol.  Guess I’ll have to wait a little longer.  I felt pretty much normal by Sunday morning and didn’t want to end on such a downer, so I went to church and saw God move again (in a different way but very powerfully).  I got a word about being Mary’s “Joshua” and that really encouraged me.

I came home for a day and a half before I headed out again, this time to Voice of the Apostles in Lancaster.  The Network Meeting was good, and there was even a small gathering on Wednesday for GSSM students with Bill Johnson.  Not getting to have a meeting like that had been such a disappointment to me back in 2012 when I went to Denver and Bill was there, and it was as if God was giving it back.  It was actually the first time he spoke to GSSM students and he said it was well overdue.  Some nuggets include:  “Most of what you need in life will be brought to you.  Most of what you want you’ll have to get.”  He spoke about being hungry for God and going where He is moving.  “You don’t go deer hunting at Macy’s or the mall, you go to where they are!”  I never got why some people just plant themselves, insisting He come to their church when He was moving somewhere they could drive to.  I’m not talking about leaving their church for another, but visiting like the people did during Brownsville and Toronto.  Catch the fire and then take it home!  After all, “Wise men still travel.” :)  Jesus is constantly working to show us how unseen things work, and leaders owe it to their congregations to stay exposed to the supernatural.  When he was done speaking, he and Mike, Ben, Tom and Katie made a fire tunnel and prayed for us all as we left the room.

All the meetings were good, though I did miss a couple.  I got three prophetic words while I was there, one from Charity Cook, one from a student in CPCP, and one from the woman whose Bible had the gold dust.  All three talked about words flowing out of me.  Methinks it’s time to do more than blog :)  Oh and about that gold dust, yes, it showed up big time I think Tuesday or Wednesday night (I don’t remember which).  One of my friends was back there and came away covered in it.  No, it wasn’t being thrown around.  It actually comes through the pores of the skin.  I had it happen once on my hands when I was deep in prayer (for Global actually).  Another woman looked as if someone had taken a sheet of gold leaf and rubbed it across her cheeks, it was solid!  I know there are skeptics reading this (hey, I’m a healthy one), but this was the real deal.  The lady with the Bible said it happens often when she opens the Word.  Why does God do that?  I guess because He can :)

I had a shift occur while I was there when a friend and I had a conversation over lunch.  I can’t even remember what was said, but she said she saw something in me “solidifying” and that’s exactly how it felt.  No more letting feelings run the show!  I’ve had numerous opportunities since then for that to be tested, and I haven’t given in.  It is a battle, but a good one, and I am determined to “not go there” anymore.  No more comparing myself, no more shaming myself, no more whining about where I am.  This is a very good journey and I trust the process because I trust Him.

Today I drove to Hanover to help my dad with a few things.  That’s another test, because I can feel his loneliness and see the needs he has.  I have to be careful to only do what He tells me to.  When you let peace be the umpire of your soul, that helps :)  Now to just stay in that place of peace!!!!

She’ll be comin’ ’round the mountain….

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It should come as no surprise that immediately upon leaving the high mountains of North Carolina Sunday I would get a call yesterday that dad showed up at my brother’s because he didn’t know where else to go.  I’m learning to say “This is not my problem,” but confess that I didn’t handle it so well at first.  There really is no place for anger and if I go down that path it’ll pull a Darth Vader on me.  It’s a bottomless rabbit hole and I can’t afford to let myself go there even though I’m tired and it seems like the easy thing to give in to.  I cried buckets of tears last night and have had to do a lot of repenting.  Right now I’m feeling somewhat numb and wonder if I’ve told myself “Don’t feel” as I’d done most of my life.  Dad asked me to pick him up today and take him to the bank, the doctor, and a few other places.  It’s an hour and a half just to get to where he is let alone all the running.  At some point today I have to tell him I can’t do this again.  He is where he is at because of choices he has made (and he’s still making bad ones), but the compassion in me rises up and wants to rescue.  Jesus help us.

The Come Away Weekend at Mary’s was incredible.  I got there last Tuesday and decided to take a short nap because I’d left early and was pretty tired.  A month ago Mary had told me she’d had a dream that I was driving a van and it was broken down along the road.  She pulled up behind me and saw that the bench seat was broken and I was trying to replace it with a bench from a furniture store so she told me that I needed to go back to the dealer and get a real one.  Well, benches represent rest, and it is so much like me to try to fix things my way.  The happy thing about that short nap was I had a dream and in it I was at the dealership, and even in the dream I knew that I had gone there to get a real bench :)  So needless to say my level of expectation for the ensuing weekend ratcheted up!

On Wednesday we headed out to do food shopping.  It was a long day and we had a lot of stops but we got it done.  Some of the ladies had to come in early, and the rest trickled in Thursday through the day.  That night I cooked filet mignon and it turned out excellent (hey when you have a good cut of meat it’s hard to mess things up!).  I was kept busy until I left on Sunday morning making meals and doing dishes and other things.  I also played guitar and led in some songs.  At one point Mary asked me to share about living in hope and here I am being challenged again.  Anyway, it was interesting to see the transformation in the women (some of whom had never met Mary before) from Thursday night to Saturday night.  And yes, Saturday night we had another baptism in her pool and as He promised, Holy Spirit showed up in a big way.  That evening at dinner the ladies gave me a card with some money and really blessed me.  My plan was to purchase a Zoom recorder, but we’ll see.

The sun will be up soon.  I like this time of day, the quiet before everyone starts getting up.  Think I’ll go back down in the basement and pray.  God already knows what today will look like.  I pray He’ll guide me through it and give me the wisdom to maneuver over this rocky terrain and that He will straighten the crooked roads.  In the end, I just want to hear “Well done.”  The funny thing is that I did hear it at Mary’s.  Thursday night she went around and prayed/prophesied over everyone.  When she got to me she heard, “Well done,” and so that’s what she told me, following it with that funny laugh that she does, lol.  In fact, Sunday before I left she asked what was the highlight of the weekend (and it’s interesting that about three seconds before that I was asking myself that question).  I told her it was that, hearing “Well done.”  After yesterday and how I handled things (or didn’t handle them) I don’t feel as if that could be said anymore, but God always gives second chances.  And thirds, and fourths for that matter.  In fact, He never gives up on us, and for that I am eternally grateful.  I just realized it was after Jesus was baptized that He immediately was led into the wilderness, so I shouldn’t be surprised at any of this for I, too, was (re)baptized on Saturday night.