Tag Archives: Global Awakening



Last week I had another graduation, though this was one I didn’t have on the calendar.  It began on Tuesday when I mowed the lawn.  I don’t remember what started the downward spiral, but the drone of the mower wasn’t drowning out the thoughts that kept pummeling my mind.  Somehow I had let my mind wander and had opened a door to a room filled with pain.  I soon found myself in a battle that was about as intense as they get.  The thoughts coming from outside my mind (so you know the source) kept trying to get me to become bitter or resentful or pass judgment on those who attacked me.  I kept forgiving…and reforgiving…and forgiving again.  I cried and repented for my part in things (yet again) and wondered what was it going to take for me to finally get over what happened.  Then I had an interesting thought.  Peter asked Jesus how many times should he forgive his brother when his brother sins against him.  The answer probably seemed way out there to Peter when Jesus told him seventy times seven.  So was that seventy times seven different sins or was it one offense that kept coming back to the mind and each time forgiveness had to be extended?  The answer is probably yes, lol.  In any event, I determined I would forgive as many times as it took, that I would never allow bitterness or anger or resentment in my heart.  I felt that day was a test, and that as grueling as it was, I had passed.

A couple days later I was at the store and had to buy a few things.  The total was $19.76 and the cashier said, “That was a good year.”  I told her yes, that was the year I graduated.  As I walked out to the car I’m not sure if it was an impression or if I heard that it was going to be my graduation day.  I kind of tucked that away but I could feel a sense of anticipation.  Soon afterward a friend came to visit and we talked for a couple hours.  Her wisdom and the grace and love she extended brought revelation and healing and by the time she left I realized that I was no longer the person I used to be.  A shift had taken place and I could release the past and move on.

I decided to go to Global in the evening to hear Bob Hazlett speak and went early enough to catch worship.  When I graduated from my internship at Global back in 2014 I had put together a compilation video and there was a song I used that is to this day one of my favorites, Bethel’s “Chasing You.”  It always takes me back to that graduation.  I had never heard it played live in worship anywhere, so you know what’s coming.  Let’s just say I sang my heart out :)

Jesus doesn’t always come to still the storms in your life; He comes to show you He is more powerful.  Bob’s message what just what I needed to hear.  He spoke on “Nextpectation”, which describes the place between where God has us right now and the place He is taking us to.  It’s that moment of anxiety/anticipation between the natural and the supernatural, the moment between the seen and unseen, an expectation about what God is going to do next.  If I knew what was going to happen I wouldn’t need hope.  Hope is always planted in a place of uncertainty.  But on our way from glory to glory, something needs to move out of the way.  If you’re going to take this new place, something has to be displaced.  So no matter what you’re going through or what you’ve been through you are standing in the place of grace, and grace enables you to fall forward.  So I boast in the hope of what God is about to do even though I don’t know what that will look like.  Whatever it is, though, I am sure it is beyond what I can even ask or think.  It has to be because it’s from Him!

True North


A front moved in overnight, and I suppose it’s still moving through because it is still very blustery. Wind gusts took power out for a while.  Out west there’s a dam about to break, and I ponder the significance of all of this.  Things don’t just happen to happen.  And as Kim Maas says, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”  There are big changes coming, and all that has happened recently is part of the change.

Doug Addison’s word released recently hit home.  On January 3 he had a major encounter in which the Lord spoke to him that “over the next three weeks there would be some radical adjustments and changes coming for us all.”  That certainly proved to be true in my life!  So much of that post resounded in my spirit and helped me sort out and make sense of what went down.  It truly felt like a demotion, but “what appears to be a demotion on Earth is indeed a promotion in God’s eyes.”  He also said “The Lord is releasing deep and hidden things over the next month. He is going to reveal the plans of the enemy against you and bring them into the light.”  Yes, He has done that, and I am one looking forward to that “backlog of repayment and unanswered prayers” that’s coming.  I will receive “double for all my trouble.”

Last week I went to The Stirring at Global.  Paul Martini, Kayle Mumby, Richie Seltzer, and Kim Maas spoke.  Over the course of three days they broke things off of people, and each one at some point broke off “disqualification.”  I know that had been spoken over me in the past, that I was “disqualified from ministry” because of something done to me by a family member that caused me to break down and cry.  A lot.  Sound familiar?  It was like going around the mountain again (except ten times worse, lol) and because of it I was swallowing that same lie, but God wanted to make sure I got the message that I was not disqualified and addressed it.  He addressed other things as well, and I need to get the mp3s and listen to the sessions again (especially Kim’s).

One thing I have come to realize is that the closer you are to the Lord, the more weight those “little foxes that spoil the vine” carry.  Moses was kept out of the Promised Land because he struck the rock instead of speaking to it.  That seems like a ridiculous punishment for such a “small” thing, but it wasn’t.  Those to whom much is given, much is required.  I had the opportunity to become bitter and resentful toward the people who slandered me, and though I confess I “had my moments of anger” I didn’t let the sun go down on it.  Truly the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.  We don’t fight God’s battles with the devil’s weapons.  I have forgiven and moved on.  I know the enemy will bring things back and tempt me to become angry and bitter all over again, but I will resist him and he will flee from me!  I want to be able to say like Jesus did that the prince of this world is coming and “he has no claim on Me [no power over Me nor anything that he can use against Me].”  Don’t give the enemy even a toehold in your life!  Pursue holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.  I don’t know about you, but I want to see Him whom my soul loves.  I haven’t come this far just to come this far!

The kingdom of God suffers violence, and the adversary stirs up offense.  The world would say, “Defend yourself!  You have rights!”  But rights are privileges other people get to have.   God doesn’t take sides.  He is not left or right, He is true north, and that’s the direction I am headed.  I know He has something special planned for my time in Alaska!  It’s gonna be wild, it’s gonna be great, it’s gonna be full of Him!


A very full October


And it’s not over yet!  The month started with a class reunion on the 8th. The turnout wasn’t so great, but it was good to reconnect with old friends.  One of the things that struck me was when they asked people in the room to raise their hand if they still had both parents living.  I was I think one of only four!  And since the last reunion another handful of classmates have passed away.  We just keep marching closer and closer to the front line!

The week after that I went to a women’s conference at the “Happy Church” in Glen Burnie, close to Baltimore.  That’s not the real name (which is “Redemption House Life Center”), but it is the happiest church I know and the name has stuck.  My friend Mary was one of the speakers, and she had a team of women come as well to minister.  This would be the conference where the necklaces we made the week before got handed out.  Except I didn’t get to do that because I was sick.  Yep.  All day Saturday, the best day of the whole event, and I was back at the hotel.  I handled it good at first, but then as the day wore on I started to have a pity party for myself and those never end well.  Let’s just say the Lord was getting the crap out of me in the spiritual realm and that the physical world often reflects the spiritual, lol.  So I missed a glorious night where Holy Spirit showed up in a very, very big way.  I was told they’d been waiting for that night for years.  Me too, lol.  Guess I’ll have to wait a little longer.  I felt pretty much normal by Sunday morning and didn’t want to end on such a downer, so I went to church and saw God move again (in a different way but very powerfully).  I got a word about being Mary’s “Joshua” and that really encouraged me.

I came home for a day and a half before I headed out again, this time to Voice of the Apostles in Lancaster.  The Network Meeting was good, and there was even a small gathering on Wednesday for GSSM students with Bill Johnson.  Not getting to have a meeting like that had been such a disappointment to me back in 2012 when I went to Denver and Bill was there, and it was as if God was giving it back.  It was actually the first time he spoke to GSSM students and he said it was well overdue.  Some nuggets include:  “Most of what you need in life will be brought to you.  Most of what you want you’ll have to get.”  He spoke about being hungry for God and going where He is moving.  “You don’t go deer hunting at Macy’s or the mall, you go to where they are!”  I never got why some people just plant themselves, insisting He come to their church when He was moving somewhere they could drive to.  I’m not talking about leaving their church for another, but visiting like the people did during Brownsville and Toronto.  Catch the fire and then take it home!  After all, “Wise men still travel.” :)  Jesus is constantly working to show us how unseen things work, and leaders owe it to their congregations to stay exposed to the supernatural.  When he was done speaking, he and Mike, Ben, Tom and Katie made a fire tunnel and prayed for us all as we left the room.

All the meetings were good, though I did miss a couple.  I got three prophetic words while I was there, one from Charity Cook, one from a student in CPCP, and one from the woman whose Bible had the gold dust.  All three talked about words flowing out of me.  Methinks it’s time to do more than blog :)  Oh and about that gold dust, yes, it showed up big time I think Tuesday or Wednesday night (I don’t remember which).  One of my friends was back there and came away covered in it.  No, it wasn’t being thrown around.  It actually comes through the pores of the skin.  I had it happen once on my hands when I was deep in prayer (for Global actually).  Another woman looked as if someone had taken a sheet of gold leaf and rubbed it across her cheeks, it was solid!  I know there are skeptics reading this (hey, I’m a healthy one), but this was the real deal.  The lady with the Bible said it happens often when she opens the Word.  Why does God do that?  I guess because He can :)

I had a shift occur while I was there when a friend and I had a conversation over lunch.  I can’t even remember what was said, but she said she saw something in me “solidifying” and that’s exactly how it felt.  No more letting feelings run the show!  I’ve had numerous opportunities since then for that to be tested, and I haven’t given in.  It is a battle, but a good one, and I am determined to “not go there” anymore.  No more comparing myself, no more shaming myself, no more whining about where I am.  This is a very good journey and I trust the process because I trust Him.

Today I drove to Hanover to help my dad with a few things.  That’s another test, because I can feel his loneliness and see the needs he has.  I have to be careful to only do what He tells me to.  When you let peace be the umpire of your soul, that helps :)  Now to just stay in that place of peace!!!!

Two years


Tonight I’m planning on going to the GSSM graduation.  I haven’t been there as much this year and because of that I don’t know most of those graduating, but there are a few I have had the privilege of walking beside these last few years, and I am looking forward to honoring them and their accomplishment.  I realized today that it’s been two years since I graduated.  Two years!  The years sure know how to fly.

I had a dream a couple of days ago.  In it a blimp was being launched.  I noticed as it went up that a woman was attached to one of the tethers.  At one point she was afraid it would come off so she reached up and grabbed the rope with her hands.  In the meantime me or someone radioed the blimp and it came back and lowered her to the ground so she could get off.  As it’s taking off again she swings the tether free of a tree (to keep it from getting tangled in the branches) and then it comes around and instead gets caught in three electrical wires.  I grab the tether and try to tear it loose but I can’t, so I yell to a man standing there to get a knife.  End of dream.  This morning I had another dream, this time where an eagle landed on my head, grabbed it, and flew off with me.  It kind of reminded me of Kayle Mumby’s owl story where the owl landed on his head (though that really happened!).

Anyway I had the sense in the first dream that I was both watching and participating, that that was me attached to the blimp, that was me trying to keep the tether free, and then trying to free it again.  Interestingly enough I went to bed the night before discouraged because of something I posted in a forum.  It wasn’t a bad thing, but I thought in hindsight how stupid it must have looked and felt kind of embarrassed.  I tend to be kind of impulsive and that’s not all bad, but I should have recognized that I needed to let what I typed marinate before I hit “post.”  I think (now that I’m licensed, especially) that I should be careful what I do and say because in a way I represent Global now.  But shouldn’t I already be careful because I represent Jesus?  And I am, but I start “shoulding” on myself about how I should behave in front of people and how I should stop trying to be funny.  ~Sigh~  So the realization that I still have some fear of man in me and/or wanting to be accepted is what I went to bed with that night, and I was pretty sad.  In the morning I was praying (and crying, as usual) and just basically asking God to do something.  And then the phone rang.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  There are people God puts in your life who He prompts to call or write or speak a word at just the right time, and Laurie is one of those.  I shared my dream and my frustration with myself over this stupid little thing, and she made sense of it.  She reminded me that dreams are like pictures of what He wants to do in and through us and that He is faithful to keep us from stepping out if we’re carrying things that will sabotage where we’re going.  That said, it is miserable when you realize your heart is ready but there’s this stupid little thing you can’t seem to shake, the thing that’s holding you down, so to speak.  He knows my desire to be completely submitted/committed to Him.  He also knows I have an active, get-it-done personality and that’s part of God’s plan for the type of person I am.  I mean, He determined my personality!  She went on to say, “I have to think that even that part that you feel like you’re struggling with is part of His equipping to accomplish the particular plan He has for your life.”  That said, most people probably have one or more things in their life that they wonder, “Why can’t I get over this?!”  Aren’t you glad He doesn’t let us “get over it” until we get rid of the stupid little things?

He is on my side and I belong to Him.  The dream was like Him saying, “We’re almost there, there’s just a little more work to do.”  But sometimes (most times, actually) that work is painful, and an aversion to pain is one reason people don’t pursue the Lord all the way to that place of death to self.  Somewhere along the way they say, “I’m pretty comfortable in this spot and I’m not willing to endure any more pain.”  Being broken is painful.  Or is it the realization of just how broken I am?  Probably some of both.

So I will focus on the blimp that is free and flying, the promises He’s given, the prophecies that have yet to be fulfilled.  I will hold that out like the joy before me and remind myself that brokenness is part of the journey to be in the place I’ve asked God to take me.  I trust Him.  He’s a good, good Father, and He knows what He’s doing and will bring this work to completion!  It feels good to rest again :)



I took my laptop to Voice of the Prophets last week thinking I would have time to write while I was there.  I should have known better, lol.  VOP was off the charts this year.  Kevin and I stayed at the Marriott (which is definitely the way to go).  It started with the Network Meeting on Wednesday.  Global Awakening is doing some amazing things through its network members.  Larry Randolph spoke at that meeting and then again in the evening.  After the evening session five of the twelve ladies who had been in Moravian Falls got together in the hotel restaurant.  We had a great time catching up.

On Thursday Kevin and I worked cameras in the morning so the students could do the prophetic presbytery.  I remember serving on that as a student and can speak personally into how much effect it’s had on my life (it was a prophetic word at VOP in 2011 that launched me on this journey).  Anyway, doing cameras made for a long morning of standing, but Jamie Galloway spoke and it was great.  After lunch we headed down for our prophetic words.  We went as a couple, and I made a beeline for the first-year student who prophesied over me at the Pursuit conference in January.  I wanted Kevin to get some of that, lol.  He blessed our marriage and then went into individual words.  He saw the Lord taking me under His wings at this time, nestled right under His wings like Psalm 91, teaching me about abiding under the shadow of the Almighty.  Psalm 91 has been highlighted a lot to me lately.  In fact, I painted a picture with it in mind on Saturday (more on that later).

I don’t have the schedule in front of me so I’m probably mixing it up, but I believe it was Thursday afternoon we heard Kayle Mumby speak.  I didn’t know he’d been one of Randy’s interns a long time ago.  The Lord kept him hidden for about ten years, teaching him many things and growing him in the prophetic.  He’s a great speaker with a powerful anointing.  He spoke again on Saturday and shared about the angel with the pillar of fire and an encounter in his trailer out in the middle of nowhere in Canada.  Crazy stuff.  And God is using him in big ways.  I loved his stories and his heart.

I’d never heard Shawn Bolz speak before either, though I’d seen some YouTube clips of him doing crazy prophetic words at conferences and meetings.  It was amazing to watch, and his accuracy was incredible.  Needless to say, we bought his book, “Translating God”, and I’m looking forward to reading and gleaning what I can from it.  James Goll reminds me a lot of a neighbor of ours, and at one of he sessions he started off with Steve Swanson sitting at the keyboards.  The whole session turned into worship, and it was so good!  A friend who is a seer said she saw things starting to open up over the stage.  It definitely felt as if something was happening, though I didn’t see a thing.

Friday night was the commissioning service and I received my license!  What a journey it’s been!  I feel as if I’ve come full circle.  I’m so grateful for Randy and his ministry and am honored to be a part of it.  It was very special to have Tom Jones pray for me as the apostolic overseer.  He also prayed over my hands for an increase in healing in them and an increase in discernment and words of knowledge to know exactly what is wrong with people.  Mike Hutchings reminded me that I have the authority :)  Jamie Galloway prayed Psalm 91 over me (there it was again) and said there have been things come against me and “pulled arrows from my back.”  He said God is taking me higher and that He is my rear guard.  Shawn Bolz prayed a prayer of impartation.  He said more but unfortunately I don’t remember!  (Ugh!)  Kayle put his hands on the sides of my head and kept praying for an increase in His presence.  When James Goll came by he stood in front of me.  I’d had my eyes closed and he told me to open them.  Then he touched the edges of each eye with his two fingers and said, “Grace.  Grace.  Grace.  Grace for Patti.”  He got pretty emotional when he said it.  Made me wonder what he was seeing.

That evening Randy spoke.  One of the things I love about him (and there is a lot to love) is that he leads by example.  Inspired by Shawn Bolz, he asked the Lord for those types of words so he could step out.  He heard pretty well, too!  At one point he called out a phone number (or I suppose it could have been a Social Security number), and no one stood.  I dialed the number and it went to a recording so I left a message which they will probably think was crazy.  I thought perhaps I’d hear back from someone but I didn’t.  But maybe they kept the number and will use it in the future when they need prayer for something.  Randy then did something unusual.  He called out two first-year students to give words.  They both did a great job, but the second one (the one I made a beeline for the day before), well it was like watching Shawn Bolz at work!   Everyone was blown away, and he looked quite relieved when people stood up for them.  Did he get them all right?  No, but the ones he did get were on a level most of us dream about.  There is a huge call on his life, and Randy is taking both of these young men under his wing, which I think is awesome.

After the service ended there was ministry time.  I got prayer from David Leach, who prayed that I would hear His voice better than ever (amen to that!).  Our friends from the “Happy Church” in Baltimore had come and were getting really touched.  We eventually made our way over to the place where Kayle was praying for people and got there just as he was praying for another friend.  That turned into quite the memorable ministry time!  We eventually got to bed after midnight.

Saturday morning Shawn met with the GSSM students (including alumni) and we had a good time of teaching.  We got back to the auditorium about halfway through worship, and then Shawn spoke again.  It was during that time that I painted a picture of an angel wing.  At lunchtime I met another painter, and we ended up talking to a Muslim man who shared that he had a friend who was having trouble sleeping.  Later that day I decided to give the painting to him to give to his friend.  I hope it helps her sleep :)

Larry spoke in the afternoon.  As he’s walking out to take the mic he says, “I have a word for Kevin.”  That was unexpected!  I quick opened up my phone to record it.  Kevin was very encouraged (as was I).  We met up with our Amish friends for dinner.  I gave a word to a lady at Subway (just a little one, and of course afterward I think of things I should have said).  Then Jamie spoke.  I noticed that Kevin started to do the twitchy thing (from electricity) and had fun with that because sometimes he’d do it when I put my foot against his leg, lol.  Then Jamie started to prophesy over people.  He did a few and then called out a number which I instantly recognized and I jumped on it!  It was the number that was assigned to us when we joined ANGA (and I remember thanking the Lord that it was an easy one to remember, lol).  So I stood up and made Kevin stand to his feet, and we got an interesting word.  Let’s just say Cuba is now on our radar.  Oh, and having our youth renewed is a happy thought too :)

Sunday morning I drove to York to hear Ravi Kandal.  It was interesting that the passage he preached from was the devotional Kevin and I listened to on our way home from VOP Saturday evening.  And I saw an alumni from the school there and God gave me a picture for her which encouraged her.  I love the gift of prophecy.  It is so encouraging and uplifting, not just to the person receiving it but to me too because I’m like, yeah, I do hear from God!  I need to step out more.

Kevin leaves early tomorrow morning for a few days and I’m sure I’ll find plenty to do.  Yesterday I push mowed the yard and it took five hours.  I’m still tired.  I did manage to plant some vegetables in the garden and do some weeding today.  I hope we get some rain soon because it’s starting to really dry out.  I’m still pretty “soaked” from the conference :)

Need a Handyman?


I have been loving the warmer weather.  This past Saturday it got up to 60 degrees and I took advantage of it by getting the ladder out and taking down the lights and decorations on our magnolia tree (finally!).  I know it’s to get colder again as well it should, for winter isn’t over yet despite what Punxsutawny Phil said a couple weeks ago about spring being right around the corner.

Catching you up on things, I attended part of The Stirring at Global over Valentine’s weekend.  Kevin was away so I went by myself.  Thursday night Blaine Cooke spoke and did impartation and then prayed a general prayer over everyone for dreams and visions.  I am still dreaming a lot but not remembering them.  The next morning I had three in a row and remember bits.  In the first I followed Ben Williams (who is an evangelist) as he crawled under a chair and through a small window that was there (the chair was up against a wall).  This led into a church and people were worshiping.  I joined in and was spinning and releasing peace but nothing was happening (not sure what I expected).  I asked myself if that meant I didn’t have it.  Hmm.  Next “scene” I’m in line at a grocery store paying for groceries and the total was $30.16.  Lastly (and this was a little unsettling), I am watching women scale down a vertical wall.  Some had ropes and some did not and I was telling someone to get a rope to this one lady and they didn’t get it to her in time and she fell and I saw her hit the ground with a thud and watched her body bounce.  I don’t know if I woke up at this point and had the thought or if it was part of the dream but I wondered whether I should try to raise her from the dead (she fell like 50 feet).

Somehow I knew I was to look up 30:1-6 and the first reference that came up was in Samuel and was the story of David and what happened at Ziklag.  I thought that was odd so I looked at the next one too, which was in Deuteronomy and mirrored a passage that had been in my devotional a day or two before.  Pondering all this, I went to Global but was running a bit late.  As I entered, worship had stopped and Kim Maas was getting ready to preach.  Guess what she was talking about?  Ziklag!  I never really thought about it before, but after five years of running from Saul, this happened to David twelve days before he was crowned king!  She was speaking about her own personal Ziklag and I wondered whether God was preparing me for something.  In any event, I have it tucked away.  Oh, and after I posted this I thought I’d Google 30:16 as well, and first up was Deuteronomy 30:16, “And I command you today: Love God, your God. Walk in his ways. Keep his commandments, regulations, and rules so that you will live, really live, live exuberantly, blessed by God, your God, in the land you are about to enter and possess.”  I like that, “Live exuberantly!”  He’s rocking my socks off again :)

Two nights ago as I was falling asleep (or trying to) I was crying out to the Lord for healing, not just for my physical heart (which I am still contending for) but for emotional and other wounds which I know are still there.  I want everything hidden to come to light because in that light there will be healing.  But it’s a process (there’s that word again, lol).  In any event, I get a text at that point from a sweet praying sister which ended, “Come Holy Spirit in healing power.  God dreams my dear friend.”  So I awoke early the next morning and as I was drifting in and out of sleep at one point I “saw green” again.  It has happened once or twice, but this time it was more brilliant.  I know green represents healing, and so I thanked God for it, even though I didn’t feel anything, trusting that something was happening.  There also appeared to be “rays” of thin white almost like lightning which moved.  Anyway, all I can say is, “More Lord!”

This morning I got a song, and it kind of surprised me.  It’s been a while (I think, but who knows, time does strange things to my memory, lol), and it came in among dreams (which of course I don’t remember).  “It” was James Taylor’s “I’m Your Handyman.”  I just love Holy Spirit :)  It’s interesting that part of the song jumped out at me, that being, “I whisper sweet things, you tell all your friends.  They’ll come running to Me.”  He definitely “whispers sweet things” to me, and though sometimes I wonder if I share too much, I do it because I want other people to get hungry for their own relationship with Jesus!  After I got up I grabbed a cup of coffee and did my Pray As You Go devotional.  The reading today was from 1st Peter, and as always there were questions that were asked after the passage was read:  “How do you feel about the possibility that, like Peter, you have been called to bring the knowledge of Jesus to other people?”  I’d say I’m feeling pretty good about that :)

More Than a Feeling


I am finally getting a few minutes to write about last weekend and I sit here and don’t even know where to start!  I’ve been to more than twenty Global conferences, but this one was different.  Was it because I was in a better place, more able to receive?  Or perhaps the experience over Christmas gave me a fresh set of ears?  There were so many “God moments”:  a word from David Wagner and one from a student (“I hear God saying He’s going to bless your socks off”), the way the Pray-As-You-Go devotionals dovetailed with what was happening each day, God touching my back Friday night–which had become quite sore from all the sitting–when Will Hart called out a word of knowledge for it during worship.  One that had a big impact was actually a gentle rebuke, and I think I’ve gotten the message now, Lord, lol.  It was Saturday night during worship and I was singing and said in my heart, “God, I just want to feel Your presence!  I just want to feel Your presence!”  I didn’t add “like other people do,” but He knew it.  So after worship David Wagner gets up and starts prophesying again and says, “And God wants you to know I AM MORE THAN A FEELING!”

I am making peace with me and the way God has made me.  He knows my heart, my desires, and–I believe this is key–what I can and cannot handle.  I think I could handle it, but the truth is I don’t know.  In any event, He knows best and I trust Him more and more each day.  I saw a quote by Kathryn Kuhlman today, “The greatest human attainment in all the world is for a life to be so surrendered to Him that the name of Almighty God will be glorified through that life.”  Help me, Jesus.  I need your help even in surrendering!