I had an interesting day today. Though farther apart, I still have days when I have to wage war on my emotions. Yes, I still am struggling (at times) with what happened in January. I suppose it was made fresh again because my friend is in town teaching at Global. Normally I’d be there with her, but there’s a new normal now.
As I mowed today my thoughts were swimming and sadness would often wash over me. Sometimes, depending on the thought, it would change to anger or hurt. Whatever it was, I kept taking it back to Jesus and started taking my thoughts captive. I refuse to play the victim. I did wonder, though, how many times do I need to forgive? Then I pondered the significance of seventy times seven. I imagine I’ve hit a few hundred times by now. Each time goes deeper, another layer removed. I thanked Him again for this trial and the stripes that wound which scour away evil. I feel that scouring inside on days like today, but I remind myself that Jesus took those stripes on His body for me so I could have life and have it more abundantly. That means living with no regret, no shame for past failures, no bitterness when I’m maligned, no need to defend myself when attacked.
This is all part of making Galatians 2:20 real in my life. Have I truly died to self? I’m getting there. Jesus laid His life down, no one took it. Likewise, He won’t take ours, we must lay it down. I am His and He is mine, and He is enough.