When you can’t trust your parents


It’s such a strange, uncharted road I’m on right now, full of twists and turns and surprises.  Today’s was more like a sinkhole right in the middle of the road.  That it’s not bothering me (more, I should say, because I suppose it is a little or I wouldn’t be writing about it), shows me far I have come the last year, which is a testament to His grace.

It was just over a year ago that my father had a stroke in the cognitive part of his brain.  The following months were a roller-coaster of drama and emotion as his wife filed for divorce and my brothers and I tried to find a way to take care of him.  His brain healed to a certain extent, but he’s not completely with it cognitively at times (and knows it) and his memory has been affected.  When he gets stressed, his eye twitches.  It was twitching tonight.

I had to confront him about something he was hiding from me.  As with most secret things, in order to protect them you often have to lie, and one lie leads to another and another.  Apparently there had been some sort of “agreement” made between he and his soon-to-be ex and dad was being set up to be taken advantage of big time.  There would be no agreement if there was no communication (and there’s not supposed to be any).  A quick check on the history in his phone (he didn’t even realize what I was doing) provided the evidence.  He says she called him; she says he called her.  Only God knows, because the history only goes back three weeks.  In the end he was busted and knew it, and on the way back to his place he asked if I was disappointed in him.  I sighed.

I can’t take this personally.  In some ways he just is not able to think clearly and can’t process what everyone else can see plain as day.  Kevin made the comment that somebody was going to have to take him by the hand and lead him through this (i.e., the divorce) the whole way.  I guess that somebody is me.  I had to be firm with him this past Sunday, too, and it felt awkward, but I’m getting used to it.  There’s plenty of talk about how difficult it is to be the parents of teenagers, but when your “teenager” is your parent, life can get very interesting.  I am seeking to know how best to honor my father and in doing so honor my Father in heaven.


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