Longing for down time


Somehow, some way, I must slow down before God has to “make me lie down in green pastures” lol.  More running today, errands and meeting someone for lunch.  It was great catching up on each other’s lives, and in the end she prayed for me and started prophesying and said she saw me in a round house and I’m thinking what?  And then she said like a train round house, and you’re changing tracks.  Yep, that fits right in with what’s going on.  Anyway tomorrow is a “dad day”, which translated means a lot of driving and helping him with laundry, banking, grocery shopping, and hopefully getting him new glasses.  I wish I could just stay home because I’m still trying to catch up on things from being away last week!  And there is a conference starting Thursday night at Global.  Hope to make as much of that as I can.

Yesterday morning I went down to “my room” and was praying and asking God to forgive me for something and He impressed upon me that I needed to ask forgiveness to Mary and another lady for some things I said and did while we were away.  So I came upstairs immediately and did just that, dropping them a note, and both were gracious and forgave me.  I honestly believe if I would have handled things better, things may have gone much differently.  I know that’s “magical thinking” (“if only” stuff).  I know now that that incredible peace He gave me the day we left for Georgia was the “calm before the storm.”  To the degree that I experienced a magnified peace, I experienced a magnified storm that blew in like a tornado, the kind where little splinters can go through telephone poles.  Its fury was unlike anything I have ever experienced.  And as hard as I tried I couldn’t “get a grip” and stop crying.

I got to thinking about other times when I’ve had these types of things happen and I’ve discovered that each one involved a type of “exposure” and being shamed in some way, either by a counselor or pastor or someone in spiritual authority.  I have also come to understand that “fear of exposure” is a big issue for me.  I know Jesus is going to have to take me to the root of that and trust that He will.  He’s certainly been putting His finger on a lot lately.  I’m not complaining though!  This is part of the answer to the prayer, “The depths of me for the depths of You, God!”  Oh, and the everything-hidden-come-to-light one too.  Pray them, I dare you ;)

I did take a step yesterday that helped me “close the file” on this chapter, and that was to write a letter.  I had actually been resisting the urge for over a week, and I’m glad I waited, because the “sting” was gone in my heart when I wrote it, so I believe there was none received on the other end.  At least I hope, because I know that I must never allow myself to be provoked again (because love is not provoked) and/or say things that hurt another.  The flesh may want it at times, but my flesh ain’t the boss of me.  I am thankful God never gives up on me, even when I give up on myself.  He will bring this work in me to completion in Christ.  Confirmed to His image, that’s what I want!  And I will have what I say!


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