I’m headed back home tomorrow from NC. It’ll be nice to get there (Lord willing, I actually do!). I haven’t slept well here, just waking up a lot through the night for no apparent reason. I’d like to tell you it’s because I’m having great dreams or crazy encounters, but it’s not. I usually wake up and look at the clock and go, “One o’clock again?!” I think the longest stretch of sleep I’ve had is four hours. ~sigh~ My doctor doesn’t believe me when I tell her my thyroid numbers shouldn’t be at the low end of normal. I mean it’s great not having to worry about what I eat, but I’d take gaining a few pounds to be able to sleep at night, lol.
I helped Mary with her book the last couple of days. Today alone I typed over ten thousand words and read a lot of her stories, some of which I was familiar with and others which were new to me. I believe this book is going to help many go on their own journey into healing. It’s incredible what she has been through and what she’s learned and now has authority over. Anyway, she literally has piles of composition notebooks filled with things she’s written down over the years. Just hearing/reading some of her stories and encounters made me realize how mundane my life is.
This morning I got an email from Graham Cooke’s ministry and the title was something like, “Stop Pursuing God.” No, I didn’t click on the video (which I believe was mostly about how God pursues us), but the thought has been going through my mind all day. As strange as it may sound, I think that’s what I am supposed to do. I mean, I keep getting the “rest” word. This constant striving, though it sounds good to call it “going after God”, hasn’t exactly gotten me where I want to be, and in some ways I feel no further ahead than I did five years ago. Or maybe it’s just because I’m comparing myself again.
Comparing my life to Mary’s is a recipe for depression, lol. And yet I confess that I do it, mostly in the I-want-that-too way. But you can’t impart relationship, and I don’t suppose a big encounter like the one I keep crying out for would do it either. The relationship she has with Holy Spirit began when she was seven. Mine took off five years ago, so she’s got about 45 years on me. But who’s comparing? lol
Yep, I think it’s time to go home. If I wake up through the night tonight perhaps I’ll get a head start. I’m missing Kevin a lot. And my garden probably needs some love…not to mention the grandchildren. Here’s hoping I get at least four hours of shuteye. Nite!