I have a sneaking suspicion I have used that particular title before, but it doesn’t matter. A lot has happened and I won’t let myself dive into the day until I write something, probably not as much as I’d like to, but at least something because life is amazing. Before I get to what’s happening now I have to jot a few things down because this blog is sort of a diary to me and I write things here that I’d otherwise forget, though I’m not sure I’d forget this one.
I visited Mary in early December and had a dream in which all I remembered was a little man came with a small pair of scissors and cut the top button off my blouse and I was not a happy camper! I went looking for a needle and thread and another button, and don’t remember much else. Of course I consulted the dream dictionary but it wasn’t much help this time. I thought perhaps it meant “buttons” as in the kind that you really want to disable, the kind people push in us (that shouldn’t be there but hey, it’s a process). So I shared it with Mary over a cup of tea at breakfast and went back into the bedroom to get dressed. She called my name and I knew immediately she heard something from Holy Spirit. She told me, “It’s not okay that he took that button, and someday the Lord is going to back up a truckload of them and dump them on the ground!” I’M GETTING MY BUTTONS BACK! What does that mean? lol. I don’t know but it made me very happy because for years I feel as if things have been stolen from me, probably from all of us, but the thief is caught :)
Most of December was a blur. We took the grandchildren on an adventure to the PA State Museum in Strasburg because they love trains and had a blast. Christmas Eve was spent down at the kids’ house and it was the sweetest night. Oh! I forgot to mention I felt as if I was to pick up my guitar again after what, thirty years? And I have been playing it every day and have a snazzy set of callouses to prove it! Anyway I will never forget playing and singing Silent Night to the two oldest boys (the youngest was already in bed) and they sat, mesmerized, Liam spellbound and almost falling asleep on his grandfather’s knee. My heart swells just thinking about it! Somehow playing guitar is coming to me quicker and I am enjoying it more than a little. Yesterday someone on FB asked us to post a favorite song from the 90s and I chose “More Than Words” and decided to learn to play it, so I’ll be working on that for a while. You know, He wants more than words from us, too. Don’t be just hearers, don’t just say I love you, Jesus. Be doers.
The “big event” this month though occurred on Christmas Day. I had one more batch of cookies to make for the big McCarty gathering which was to be at our house the following day. During the course of snickerdoodling I must have twisted the wrong way (though I didn’t feel a pop) but my back started to ache in an old familiar way it had 15 years before. I recognized it and went and did the “static back” thing but it gradually got worse. And worse. And worse. By evening I was hardly moving. At 11:00, when Kevin came to bed I moaned and groaned and at midnight finally said, “Take me to the ER.” He wheeled me in and I said, “No, I wasn’t riding a hoverboard, I was just baking cookies!” Good for a laugh, but the pain was excruciating. A quick exam and two prescriptions (dose given right away) gave me enough relief to be on my way with the instructions to see my doctor on Monday (two days away). They prescribed Valium with acetaminophen and diazepam. Guess what? Diazepam is generic Valium! I was double dosed!!! Not only that, they had me taking it every four hours until we read the bottle and it said six!
Saturday and Sunday were a blur. It got so bad Kevin had to do everything for me, including lift my feet on and off the bed or sofa, literally pull me up and lower me down. The use of any of my back muscles (and they seem to be connected to every muscle in my body) hurt so bad. Sunday night I got on Facebook and requested prayer. Monday morning we went to my doctor as a walk-in and she “just happened” to have a cancellation when I arrived. She couldn’t believe they had me double dosed and prescribed prednisone, Motrin, and Flexeril (that’s what was causing the pain, all those spasms). I cut the dosage of the first two because as a general rule I don’t need regular doses (super sensitive to meds) and by the end of the day Monday was feeling well on the road to recovery. I didn’t even need to take the Flexeril, I guess because it had gone back in, and the spasms had stopped. I’m fairly certain God put my back back in place overnight Sunday into Monday or sometime Monday morning, and I am no longer taking Motrin. I will taper of the prednisone over the next few days. I can feel my back is what I would call “weak” so I have to take it easy. I am still dealing with dizziness though. She said it would take a few days to get that much narcotics out of my system!!! Ugh. But the worst is over. I just need to behave. Always a challenge for this chicka, lol.
It was good to be laid up, I needed it. God knew it and I knew it. That said, I know He didn’t do it to me, and through the pain my prayers involved thanking Him for His goodness and love for me, for allowing it, and for healing me and getting me through it. There was so much I had wanted to get done. Needless to say the party was canceled, but life went on. The world didn’t stop because I couldn’t move, and the gratefulness I felt when I could walk again was overwhelming. Somehow over the past day or two I got it. What is it, you may ask? That He loves me! It has made it from my head to my heart! I have made peace with myself and I feel as if I’m shedding my skin and becoming a new person! In fact, another song from the 90s was “Losing My Religion,” and I thought hmm, that could so easily be changed to “Losing Inhibitions.” I think I could have fun with that because, well, I’m talking and I can’t shut up, lol.
Speaking of fun, last night a retired Methodist minister came by for a visit. Her name is Patricia as well and I love talking with her. She is such a wise woman. God used her in my life years ago when I was still struggling with the fact that she was a woman preacher, lol. I look forward to building on that friendship and hoping by osmosis to soak up some of the storehouses of wisdom in her heart! We talked a lot and got on the subject of “monkey brain.” If you’ve got it you know exactly what I’m talking about. I am learning to live with my monkeys and learned something important overnight: they can be trained!
Perhaps it is a side effect of the prednisone, but I was wide awake at 1 and the monkeys started their chattering. Ideas came flooding at me that I know were from Holy Spirit, and the monkeys were having a high time cackling over them, and so I reached over and started pecking them out on my iPhone. Videos, songs, projects, you name it, I wrote it. I had shared with Pat that I felt as if 2016 was going to be my “year of creativity” and how I wanted to do something creative every day. We are, after all, made in our Creator’s image and are creators ourselves! She cautioned me against setting myself up to fail in that if I have a day (for whatever reason) that I can’t do that it could discourage me, so I am working around that, but yes, 2016 is going to be VERY creative. Right now I have more ideas than you could shake a stick at (that’s a weird saying, isn’t it?!). The key is asking Him, “What do you want me to do today, Lord?” There will be days when it will be to quiet myself. Those could be quite challenging but I must and will do them or He will “make me lie down in green pastures” again, lol.
You know, I had so much joy flooding over me this morning I could hardly stand it. I wondered, is this what people mean when they say they feel His good pleasure?! If so I want more of that. So today, the last day of 2015, I am trying to decide what to do with this blog. I won’t delete it, I just don’t know whether I should continue it or start a whole new one. And if I do start a new one, will it be open to the world or private, perhaps inviting anyone here who may be interested to come along with me. I just don’t know yet, but I will because He promises to give wisdom to those who ask without doubting, and I don’t doubt Him. He is for me, and I am no longer against me :)
Happy New Year everyone! It’s going to be a Sweet ’16 for me. I know there will be pain and sorrow mixed with the joy and triumph because in this world you will have trouble! But Jesus has overcome the world, and He lives in me! Okay, I’m ready to get going. Help me Jesus! Much love to you all. Go in peace :) He loves you!