I know it’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been very busy but that’s no excuse. I had to write this one though. You see, a few days ago I awoke with a beautiful orchestral tune in my head. I recognized it but didn’t know the words. I felt that there was significance to it, though, so I was thinking I needed to find it and look up the words. I called my mom, doing my best to hum it, and was quite surprised when she didn’t know the name. It probably threw her because I told her God often wakes me up with a song, so she was expecting it to be a hymn (she said that). Anyway I wasn’t sure how to go about finding it, but unfortunately when I went to the store that morning there was music playing and that’s all it took. It was gone. I felt as if He’d bring it back though, so I wasn’t too bummed. This afternoon I took a short nap, and as I was waking up it was playing again.
This past year has been difficult in many ways. I don’t know what I was expecting after I graduated from Global, perhaps just for “things to fall in place” (whatever “things” might be). I felt in some ways as if I was just spinning my wheels, that I was getting sucked back into “the routine”, that my dreams were riding off into the sunset somewhere ’cause they were tired of waiting for me to make them happen. That said, my biggest dream is to see Jesus, to have an encounter with Love, my “someday”, a “suddenly” that heals my heart and makes it truly whole so that I can love Him with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.
Everybody’s on a journey. Mine started four years ago at VOP. Interestingly enough during this past VOP several of the speakers mentioned in passing that God had had them on a significant five-year journey at one point in their lives. Each time that was mentioned I felt a quickening in my spirit, as if God was telling me I was on my own five-year journey. Some months back I had a bit of a crisis, the timing of which was pretty bad (as if there is such a thing as good timing for one of those). I was told that my foundation wasn’t strong, that I was bamboo and not oak. God has a way of flipping things.
Recently I was working in the basement and decided to listen to something other than music. As I’d recently gotten hold of a copy of a teaching by Mahesh Chavda (from the Network Meeting at VOP 2014–I’m noticing a trend here, lol) I decided to pop that in. In it he spoke about Chinese bamboo, how you plant the seed and water and fertilize for the first year, the second year, the third year, the fourth year, and you see nothing. Then in the fifth year it shoots up out of the ground and grows 90 feet in six weeks! That whole time it was hidden, growing the root structure, the foundation, for what was coming. Needless to say, I was quite encouraged! :) But back to the song.
So I called my mom back and hummed it again and guess what? She knew some of the words, and I Googled them and it brought it up in YouTube. She listened as I started singing along with Ella and then I paused it when said something to the effect of, “But that’s not a hymn!” I told her it didn’t have to be, the song is about love and Who is love? Who inspired that? I think her box was blown, lol. Mine was, too, especially after I hung up and caught the ending. Someday, Jesus. Someday, “I’ll know that moment divine, when all the things you are, are mine.” He is longing for it, too! When I am His and He is mine, and my heart surrenders totally, completely. I so want to, I so long to, I so don’t know how to :) I am glad He’s got this and knows what He’s doing!