The Big c


This is a Catch-up post.  Once again I find myself trying to remember all the things that transpired since my last entry.  There were so many Cool God-moments, and though I’ve had the thought lately that I talk about me too much, I realize that this is my journal so of course it’s going to be about my life, lol.  If I don’t write about it here I will most likely forget it, so that said, I’m off! As often happens, when you mess up in life and if you will allow Him, God takes it and turns it into a time of growth.  I wrote a few weeks ago (“Tares and Tears”) about something I did that had some repercussions.  There are often Consequences when you make wrong Choices, and mine was to let disappointment in, but I’m learning the art of bouncing back.  God’s helping me, too, and I’ll give you a few examples of how He encourages me.

There’s this song that I like by Colbie Caillat Called “Try.”  The first time I watched it on YouTube I Cried.  Yep.  It’s not because it described me to a T because it didn’t.  I’m way past the striving she describes in her song, but there are other types of striving and God went out of His way recently to reinforce that I didn’t “have to try so hard.”  I’d just hung up from a tearful phone call with a friend named Michelle who let me Cry on her shoulder and who Comforted me by turning what I perceived as a huge failure into something positive, saying she was proud of me for “riding that bronco for all it was worth.”  We often fight Change, but it shows up anyway as it must or we would never grow.  So having just ended a perspective-shifting Conversation I walk through the doors of my favorite Goodwill store and immediately “Try” starts to play.  Not a Coincidence, I’m sure, and as if to prove that it happens again two times (the most recent just two days ago) when I walk back in that same store in the space of about ten days.  There are times when I don’t like myself, but God has other thoughts.  I like how the song ends:  “Look into the mirror at yourself, don’t ya like you?  ‘Cause I like you.”

And as always there are “Global moments.”  It seems lately that something happens every time I go there.  Kevin and I had stopped by to pick up a book as a gift and also to drop something off.  I had to run upstairs and decided to go down using the back stairway.  Because of that “random” decision I ran into Zach who was there talking to someone in the Cafe.  He proceeded to get very excited and share that God had given him a vision a week before of me and Kevin with him in Costa Rica and we were filming what God was doing and it was amazing.  As if to Confirm it, immediately after he’d had this vision he looked up and Kevin was driving by in his truck (in “real life”).  Yay God :)  I’ve mentioned before how I’d like to travel around and Capture God stories, so I was definitely psyched after he said that! Three days later I was back at Global helping out by monitoring Chat for online students and when school was over hung around (it was one of those didn’t-feel-I-should-leave-yet-but-wasn’t-sure-why moments).  Then a first-year student walked up to me and said, “You’re a woman of great influence.”  She then told me that I had been in her dreams.  I asked her questions about that, for which she didn’t have answers, but she was quick to say she would, that there were other people in them and as she Continued to discover who these other people were God would reveal the meaning of the dream to her.  She was quite Confident when she said that and went on to also say she heard for me “Run the earth, watch the sky.”  So I left, knowing that was why I felt led to hang around, to get that word, but pondering what it meant.  I dropped a text to Michelle and told her about it, adding that I was going to have to do some Googling when I got home.

On the way home I did some shopping and the total was $44.44.  I had to Chuckle and dropped her another text and said that things were coming into alignment.  She replied and I read it and stuck my phone back in my pocket and walked out to my Car, which took all of twenty seconds.  After I got in I pulled my phone out and put it on the Console and noticed there was something typed but not sent.  It’s not unusual when texting to find that letters on the keyboard get “typed” because of bumping up against things in my pocket if I don’t back out of that screen.  So I picked up my phone so I could erase what was there and noticed it was an actual word, “Second.”  Wow!  I’d never had that happen before, and I felt right away it was a God thing.  I mean I had just put my phone in my pocket and took it out twenty seconds later!  And what are the odds it would bump up against my keys and type out an actual word?  But what Could it mean?  Why would God tell me “Second”?  So I Called Michelle and told her what had just happened, which she thought was interesting.  She then informed me that she Googled “Run the earth, watch the sky” and did I know it was an album by Chris Rice?  “No, I did not!  What is the second song?” I asked.  She replied, “Everything’s OK.”

Why would God want me to know everything’s okay?  Well, a few days before we got a Call from Kevin’s doctor.  You know it’s never good news when the doctor himself Calls.  It seems the mole I’d been nagging Kevin to have removed turned out to be melanoma, or “the big c” which, though I’ve Capitalized “C” at the beginning of every other C-word in this post, I refuse to it do for cancer.  Did I have a few moments when I first got the news?  Yes, it kind of threw me for a loop, mainly because Kevin had said after his mom passed, and then his dad, that he wouldn’t be around much longer.  A premonition perhaps, or maybe just the realization that life is short and getting shorter every day, I don’t know and I don’t need to know.  I got my fight on and refuse to allow fear in.  He’s scheduled for a wide excision and biopsy of the sentinel node in about ten days, and we’ll take this journey one day at a time knowing that God is for us and has got this.  And yes, everything’s ok.


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