Seems incredible to me that there is only one week of school left. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t looking forward to some time off, because I’m going to need the summer to process some things and get ready for next year, though I will miss the interaction with other students. I just finished my last book report, Rolland and Heidi Baker’s There is Always Enough. Kind of fitting that it would be the last book I’d read as it was the one I picked up almost eight years ago that made me begin to ask questions about miracles and women in ministry and other topics which challenged my thinking at the time. I remember finishing the book back then and telling God “I want to love like that.” So much has changed since then (as it needed to). It was interesting reading it again with fresh eyes and from a different perspective. But in some ways it is difficult to read stories like theirs because I inevitably compare their lives with my own. For instance, in the beginning of the book Heidi shared experiences from her early days as a Christian, how God spoke to her and told her she would be married to Him. She stated, “He kissed my hand and it felt as if warm oil ran down my arm. I was overcome with love for Him. I knew at that moment that I would go anywhere anytime and say anything for Him. I was ruined for this world by His intense love and mercy in calling me to Himself.” She speaks of “the great exchange” where she gave all she was for all He is and that she does what she does for love, that He has drawn her into his huge heart. Everything she did from that point on came from that place.
At the end of the book (as if coming full circle) Heidi states that “He changes us with one glance of His eyes, so that we are not afraid to be completely abandoned in His arms” and “You can’t feed the poor, you can’t go to the street, you can’t see anything happen unless you see His face.” Again, she emphasizes, “The deal is, you have to see His face. You have to be completely wrecked by His love, so that you will hilariously give your life away. You start to love the people you didn’t think you could ever love, even the mean ones. But you have to see His face.”
I’d be lying if I told you I have seen His face like that. But I want to, not so I can be well known or have a huge ministry somewhere, but because I want to know love like that, so that I can hilariously give my life away in whatever way God chooses to use me. So that is the goal that I keep before me, a “face-seeking mission.” Yes, I will learn and grow as I continue on this journey, but I long for the encounter that changes everything. He promises that those who seek will find him when they seek with all their heart. That’s what I’m doing at GSSM and will continue to do over the summer. “When you said, ‘Seek my face,’ my heart said to you, ‘Your face, O Lord, I shall seek.’” Psalm 27:8
Btw it’s great to see her on the cover of Christianity Today (it’s about time!). A large print of that same picture hangs in the hallway at Global, which is where I finally got to meet her in person last August. I haven’t read the article yet but hope to soon. I’m praying it’ll make others ask some of the same questions I did years back and that they’ll start their own journeys. It’s quite the adventure :)