There are times when God reveals snippets of my heart to me and it always sends me for a loop. I suppose that’s why I only get snippets at a time–if He gave it to me all at once it would be overwhelming. It’s an act of love, really. He’s not content to leave us as we are but focuses on what is missing in our righteousness. He’s not obsessed with sin in my life, though when He shows it to me it can affect me for days. The deeper you go, the more that is revealed, the more I realize I really can do nothing without Him. That said, I’m the one who must put to death the deeds of the flesh. He doesn’t just kill it for me. I’m the one who has to take back the promised land. There are times when I’m like Caleb and Joshua and am full of faith. Other times not so much. And the enemy doesn’t fight fair.
I’m not sure why this four-day fast is proving to be so difficult. Certainly the headaches aren’t helping. I had a mild one yesterday and a stronger one most of the day today. I took a nap when I got home and it’s better, though still lurking. I’m incredibly tired and am camping out by the wood stove because I’m having trouble staying warm. I’ve been going on site to be with the class, and it’s been good. Yesterday I couldn’t get warm, so today I dressed really warm and was overheated, lol. This morning we stood in a circle around the “tent of meeting” placed in the center of the room and made declarations. It was a good exercise. Then Max said we’ve got the soaking down pretty good, and the worshiping, but that we still needed to work on crying out. I was seated at the time and had a brief thought of standing up and crying for deliverance right there but I didn’t. :( In the afternoon Max had the women stand in a circle around the room. Then the men (including some of Global’s employees because women outnumber men in the classes) stood in front of them and prophesied and made declarations. I had my tape recorder this time. One of them told me that my ship was on course. I needed to hear that.
I don’t know what it is about prophetic words that bring so much life. I think because they speak to the promised land of my destiny. Everyone wonders why they were born, what they’re supposed to be doing. We have this innate sense of purpose for something bigger than ourselves. When I sat down to write this post Hope’s Anthem was “playing” in my head. “He’s awakening the hope in me by calling forth my destiny; He’s breathing life into my soul, I will thirst for Him and Him alone.” Regardless of how I am feeling about “where I’m at” I can sing that song because my hope is in Him. Every time He shows me something I say, “That has to die.” I’ve been saying that a lot lately, it seems. Sometimes I wonder, when it’s all said and done, if there will be anything left of me. Then again, “when it’s all said and done” I am quite sure my eyes will finally be like a dove’s with a singular focus. That’s my hope, anyway :)