I don’t want this to be a whiny post, and hopefully it won’t come across that way, but I just want to say a few things to get them off my chest.
I’ve you’ve decided to leave a church don’t just disappear, say goodbye. You may think it doesn’t matter, but it does. And don’t say bad things about the people there. They’re your brothers and sisters in Christ!
Ecclesiastes 10:20 says, “Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird of the air may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say.” I realize I’m not a king, but the principle’s the same. Your words have a way of getting back to the person/people you’re talking about. So when you say things like, “I didn’t have any friends there anyway,” and it gets back to the person who was honestly trying to reach out to you and who considered you their friend, it hurts. A lot. Makes them want to ask, “What am I?”
Editing back in on Sunday (1/22). I knew when I held my cursor over the publish button on this post that I’d regret publishing it, and I thought about taking it down, but the object of this blog isn’t to paint a picture of myself as that of someone who has it all together all the time and/or someone who has no struggles or sin. Anyway reading this morning I came across something in “The Spiritual Guide” by Michael Molinos that drew my mind right to this post. He said…
It is a saying worthy of all truth that a person who despises his own self-nature cannot be hurt or injured by someone else. Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing affront you. All things will come to an end. God only is unchangeable. Patience obtains all things. He who has God has everything. He who has not laid hold of God has nothing. If you are impatient toward another and you lay the fault on your companion, then you never realize that you are intolerable!
When the rancor is over, it is your cunning ability to rationalize which proves you to be virtuous! Virtue so attained is a poor virtue indeed.
And why not? After all, you give precepts. You relate spiritual sayings. You relate all things to Scripture. Yet you do this without your faults ever changing.
Oh yes, you are willing to say things about yourself, to disclose your faults before others, and many other such impressive things; but within you, you are justifying yourself far more than you are seeing your faults! By such means the monster within you returns again and again to esteem himself.
Or perhaps you say: “This matter is not because of some fault in me, but because of my zeal for justice”! This only shows that there is something within you that still believes that you are virtuous, courageous, constant, and that you would give your life up to death for the sole sake of Divine love. Yet you can hardly hear a bitter word against you without being troubled and disquieted within yourself.
And you do give a rejoinder…yet only internally. What is this? All such things are but industrious engines of self love; these are proud secrets of your soul.
Self love which reigns in you stands as your greatest hindrance in obtaining precious peace.