On being a grandma

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It doesn’t seem possible that I’m old enough to be a grandma, but I am! Matthew Connor McCarty was born on Friday at 10 a.m. after one loooong night. Mary had planned on giving birth at home, but when the baby started to undergo distress they didn’t hesitate on getting to the hospital. Kevin, Matt and I went too, thinking that the birth was imminent. Well, it wasn’t, lol. Kevin and Matt left around 1 to get some sleep. I stayed because Mary’s aunt Eileen was there and as her mother stayed as well I thought it best. Eileen was going to stay at our house so I thought I’d drive her back since she’d never been to our place before. We did manage to sneak an hour or two of sleep on chairs lined up against a wall, and in the morning they broke her water and soon afterward she started pushing. It was great to get to see him in the first hour of his life! He’s so precious, and I praise God for his safe delivery. :)

As Kevin and I had plans for the weekend (and Kevin was pretty intent on keeping them) I went home, got cleaned up, and headed out. We went down to Delmarva Bike Week at the shore and it rained all day Saturday. ~sigh~ I tried to tell him, lol. In any event, we had a nice time with the other couple but I was so anxious to get home and see my grandson again! We stopped on the way back and they’re settling in nicely at home. I have on-site classes at Global this week so I’ll probably stop on the way home each day.

Thursday afternoon I had a session with Mary from Christ Community. I’d called her the night before because things were coming to a head. A couple weeks back dad shared how I’d been picked on growing up and it had stirred things up in my heart. I came to realize that though I’d like to think otherwise, I had an orphan spirit. I wouldn’t say entirely as I’d had some healing, but there was enough evidence to indicate there was a problem. I remember when Trisha Frost came to GSI and I first heard about it. I read over the list that was handed out and identified with a few even then. Interestingly enough, for many of the things listed I have already made the transition to the spirit of sonship, but there is still some baggage in my life. It all relates to the image we have of God. If it’s warped, then it affects our spirit and our walk with Him.

Though I’d had problems with it in the past, Mary guided me through the process of “going back” and I found myself at the first home I remember living in when I was around 5. To make a long story short, I ended up on Jesus’ lap and He held me while I cried into his chest. I told Mary about the attempted abortions and we went back even further. In my mind I saw my mother in the delivery room. There was no one else around (at least a person anyway), but there was a demon, and he had an assignment. It was the same one he’d had over my mother’s life, i.e., to make her feel worthless. But then light entered the room and God took me and held me to His chest again. And the angels cheered. Needless to say there was no darkness anymore. In the first and second pictures, He gave me a kiss on the forehead. I also saw Him give my mom a kiss on the forehead as well. Perhaps I wasn’t wanted because she didn’t want me to live with what she’d had to, I don’t know, but that’s irrelevant really, because God wants me :)

I’m aware that some think this type of thing is hogwash. Others may feel it’s wrong to use our imaginations in this way (I used to be one of those who thought that), but God gave us an imagination and when we put it in His hands He does wonderful things with it. It’s used to operate in the prophetic, and if I’m going to do that then I need to be free there as well. It’s all about freedom, you see, and not the bondage I grew up with. There are times when I wish God would just march around the walls of my heart and blow the trumpet so they’d all fall down at once, but that’s not how He’s choosing to do this. I was telling a friend that it’s more like the promised land and how it was only conquered a little at a time so the wild beasts and forest wouldn’t overtake it. In any event, God knows what He’s doing and I don’t so I’ll say it again: I trust Him.

Now it’s time to watch Friday’s class and get going with my day. I have another busy week ahead and wonder how I’m going to get everything done. I suppose it’ll happen a day at a time! :)

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