Up, down, and sideways


Been on an emotional roller coaster this week. I’m dealing with some things physically and don’t often pull out the hormone card, but there are times when it’s legit. And at times like these (which, thank God, are fewer and farther between) I cut myself some slack and remind myself that it will pass eventually, the clouds will break up and there will be blue skies once again.

Beautiful One, the women’s conference at Global, started tonight. It was good to see some familiar faces, a few from GSI and some from Christ Community. After an hour of worship we sat down and Sue Ahn spoke, the theme centering around the fact that we’re not called to fit in but to stand out, that each person is precious in God’s sight. She had some funny stories to share, but then at the end got serious before a time of ministry. She called anyone up to the front who had yet to receive their prayer language. I hesitated but went.

Micah Williams shared at GSI about her struggle with infertility and how difficult it was for her when well-intentioned people would pray for her and/or give her a prophetic word (the by-this-time-next-year type). It got to the point where I think she cringed when someone started in, and it felt almost like cruelty to her. When a true word finally came (almost five years later) she wasn’t able to receive it and had to repent when she did get pregnant. They have a beautiful daughter now. Children are a gift from God yet for some reason many Christian women find themselves unable to conceive. I am sure God taught Micah a lot through those years of barrenness and yearning.

I have been coached and prayed over and have read quite a bit on the subject of prayer language. It too is a gift from God. Yet sometimes he withholds His gifts. It doesn’t mean He doesn’t love me. So I went up front again, closed my eyes, assumed the position, and just began to pray. I didn’t see who came and touched my hand, though I believe it was Winnie Banov. I think she got about two words out of her mouth before I was down.

No children yet.


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