God, I hate when I blow it!


So after a good day spent with my husband driving around in Maryland in the snow (which makes me nervous but he loves it) and then skiing at Ski Liberty since we were close by, we get home to find someone parked beside my car. There’s barely room for Kevin to park the truck and then we notice these three young people laughing and walking around. Couldn’t figure out what they were doing at first, but they were looking for their car. That’s the first sign of trouble. Wait, no, the loud music coming from the apartment two doors over (a new tenant) was the first sign. They were obviously high and oblivious to anything and everything but themselves and their good time. They get in the car (a Honda low-rider), start it up, and proceed to drive forward, launching over our walk and into our yard. I’m right there getting stuff out of the truck and I scream, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Yeah, that was a good witness. My husband, who has much more in the way of the fruit of the Spirit, calmly knocks (okay it was close to pounds) on the passenger’s window to get them to roll it down and then asks them if they are okay to drive. The kid said he thought he was going to drive through gravel, that he could just go straight (since when does grass look like gravel?). He wanted to just keep driving through the yard and out onto the alley. Kevin told him to back up. He had to gun it to get back over the walk, but he got over it, scraping the walk a second time.

So now I have a double reminder of my failure–two ruts in the yard and a scraped sidewalk. The fact that God doesn’t care about either of those things makes it even more acute. Add to that the sound of a siren about five minutes after they left, making me wonder if they had an accident. What matters more, stuff, or people? People, of course. Then why do I have these knee-jerk reactions. ~sigh~ Now’s when I go to God and confess, again, my failure and ask for forgiveness which He gives right away. Takes longer, though, for me to forgive myself, and you can bet your bottom dollar what the accuser will be saying every time I see those ruts, those stones….


2 responses »

  1. Thanks for your comment on my Noor piece!

    God, when on earth, also “lost” it, as in turning over the tables of the money changers. Seems to fathom what it is to be human.

    Once I came home when we first got our land and had put up our corral; my mare and foal were in there; little Latino boys from the trailer park across the irrigation ditch had not only come onto the property, but one was riding my mare around the corral with an improvised bridle made of baling twine, and the other was actually on the back of her 6 month old foal, having run a strand of baling twine through the foal’s mouth. I am bilingual and so first I swore at them in Spanish, and then in English for good measure. They hopped off and ran.

    Self-forgiveness not easy, but necessary. I get into lots of trouble with my attempts to be perfect and I have a Ph.D. in losing it, reminders that make me cringe, so I can identify. I’ve done a lot of journaling about this and what I realized is that I give the power to others to upset me. And, what happened to you was upsetting in and of itself. For me, I have to use some self-intervention techniques to respond instead of react. I fail all the time. Every minute, in my own eyes, but maybe in a different pair of eyes, it is obvious that we are doing our best at any given time. You can always tell them you’re sorry you blew up at them…. lots of food for thought. Glad you had a good day and it’s still a good day….people tell me that such moments are opportunities for growth…. xj

    • Thanks for your kind words, j. I hope to have an opportunity in the future to apologize to him. Not sure I’ll remember what he looks like, but I definitely know the car, lol. ~p

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