I haven’t been doing a very good job of blogging lately. I guess in part I don’t because it seems to me that I keep repeating myself and that I’m really not saying anything of significance in most of my posts so until I do I’ll shut up. Of course that leads to loooong lapses :) It’s not that I don’t have deep thoughts on issues/events/life, I’m just more reluctant to share them. First off, I’ve come to realize that my opinions/views are subject to change. In fact, some of them are changing so fast it astounds me. Things that I once considered set in concrete have gone AWOL and all that’s left is the hole in the cement to remind me where something once stood firm. Am I being double-minded or wishy-washy? It would probably appear that way to some, but I don’t think it’s that at all. Let’s just say I’m learning to walk in many different shoes, and while the experience is sometimes painful, it is so worth it.
This summer isn’t turning out like I had planned (which is why it’s good to be flexible). Of course a death in the family always rocks your world, but then the double whammy of large changes with your job ensures that nothing will ever be the same (i.e., when your boss–who happens to be one of your closest confidants and dearest friends–is moving to Alaska). I don’t know what this will all boil down to, but I do know I’ll be asked to take on some of her responsibilities, and trust me when I say I can’t do it. I am a secretary, not an administrator. Still, though I wanted to quit, God said no. I cried, I whined, I complained, I got spanked, and then I realized how selfish I was being. I really am happy for her and need to quit looking at how sad I am for me. I really don’t want more responsibility, more hours, but I’m not the Boss, and He’s not letting me give up, even though that’s what I feel like doing.
The other day as I was mulling over her leaving and subconsciously asking God why when He told me (that braille thing on the soul), “It is necessary.” Immediately I thought of Jesus telling His disciples that it was necessary for Him to go away. So now I know how the disciples felt. Lost. It’s a good thing God knows where to find me.