Okay, so a friend on Facebook posted an interesting link about Tertullian and how women should look and act because they are the weaklings that caused the fall and therefore should basically spend their lives in light of this knowledge and wear their guilt like a garment because they are the scum of the earth. Yes, those are my words, but that’s the impression it left on me (not a good one, obviously). So anyway it made me go back through my old (very old) writing. At one point years back I’d started a parody of Milton’s “Adam to Eve”, so I worked on it today and am posting it below. I do want to state that I have tremendous respect for men (though it certainly doesn’t show here!) and this is meant to be tongue in cheek. Hopefully it will not cause offense, because it’s not meant to (though I recognize that the upright can be too uptight at times–hopefully this isn’t one of those times! :)
Adam to Eve (by Milton)
O fairest of creation, last and best
Of all God’s works, creature in whom excelled
Whatever can to sight or thought be formed,
Holy, divine, good, amiable, or sweet!
How art thou lost, how on a sudden lost,
Defaced, deflowered, and now to death devote!
Rather, how hast thou yielded to transgress
The strict forbiddance, how to violate.
The sacred fruit forbidden! Some cursed fraud
Of enemy hath beguiled thee, yet unknown,
And me with thou hath ruined, for with thee
Certain my resolution is to die.
How can I live without thee, how forego
Thy sweet converse, and love so dearly joined,
To live again in these wild woods forlorn?
Should God create another Eve, and I
another rib afford, yet loss of thee
Would never from my heart; no, no, I feel
The link of nature draw me: flesh of flesh,
Bone of my bone thou art, and from thy state
Mine never shall be parted, bliss or woe.
* * *
However, I with thee have flxed my lot,
Certain to undergo like doom; if death
Consort with thee, death is to me as life;
So forcible within my heart I feel
The bond of nature draw me to my own,
My own in thee, for what thou art is mine;
Our state cannot be severed, we are one,
One flesh; to lose thee were to lose myself.
Eve to Adam (by yours truly)
(after Milton, for Tertullian)
O highest of creation (underdressed,
It would appear), creature in whom hath dwelled
Whoever could or would be fathered forth,
Who, without me, was still incomplete,
How thou art crossed, indeed art double-crossed,
Abased, devoured by a lepidote!
Blather, how thou hast added to the mess,
Indicting me, seeking to vindicate
Thyself by passing blame upon thy broad!
Thou fraud! Thou wast beguiled on thine own!
I was deceived; thou atest knowingly!
Burthen me not with divers reasons why
Thou chose to still ingest when thou didst know
That it would bring us death. I should have groined
Thee on the spot, but I was too forlorn
To mention what was obvious to me:
That not until thou atest did we see!
Afford another rib? Just what’s the deal
with that? Some hidden longing for a fresh
beginning? Thou art stuck with me; too late
to lay hold of perfection. Way to go.
* * *
However, I with thee have twixt my knot,
Certain that I will hear gloom in thy breath
Exhorting me: woman, thou art my wife!
So, willingly within thy hearth I peel
Thy grapes for I am thine. Bone of thy bone,
I’ve learned from thee a lesson so sublime
My state cannot be sad; men’s hearts are won
by going through their stomachs. Help thyself!