Still reading that book

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…i.e., Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. And I’m still amazed at the insight this man has into the real issues in a Christian’s (actually anyone’s) life. I’ve come to realize there’s far too much “formula” in my beliefs and there needs to be more relationship. So I’m asking God to do something, whatever it takes, to fix what’s broken in me (and btw we’re all broken). I believe so many things in my head that I know to be true, but my heart is still wounded and afraid and, well, since “perfect love casts out fear” then I need to be “invaded.”

But how does one meet God? No really. I won’t be content until He meets me. Nothing else will satisfy this longing I have to know and be known and be healed, restored, and no longer fearful. It’s what we were created for, that fellowship that was broken in the garden, the approval we keep expecting trying to gain from other people. But ask anyone who’s made it “to the top”–it doesn’t last because it’s a God-shaped void they’re trying to fill. Well I’m waiting to be filled and have no clue how long it will take or even what my part is. One thing I do know is that each person is unique, and He meets each individual in a different way. I’ve often find myself envious of experiences other people have had and that’s not right. And so the enemy is there whispering, “He loves them more than you.” But I know God doesn’t show partiality.

The coolest thing happened this morning. I was lying in bed and my thoughts were all over the place, but I was thinking about God and how He knows my thoughts, sees everything I do, and I turned my head and there in a blue sky framed by my bedroom window were two clouds shaped like eyes! Yes, He knows me, knows that I’m still very much a child inside, knows that I needed that. You see, it’s those little things others may write off as sheer foolishness which catch my attention and grab my heart.

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